What a privilege it is to grow a baby. This beautiful momma certainly is glowing but I'm pretty sure she glows even when she is not pregnant. She has such a beautiful spirit about her. It's easy to see she is going to be a wonderful mom to her sweet babe.
I loved being pregnant, the privilege was not lost to me. But after 2 healthy pregnancies, I didn't anticipate the rough road that lay ahead of me when we thought it'd be a good time to add to our family. After almost a year of praying and calculating, I was elated to find out that indeed a baby was growing! I dreamed about and prayed for our sweet little soul, and I carried joy in my heart as the secret grew within me. But for an unknown reason our third baby didn't live past the first trimester. I was devastated.
Those were dark days that turned into weeks of anger and bitterness at God for allowing me to hope. I asked lots of questions and got no answers, only an infertility label. It became my year of sorrow. During that year I was slowly going thru the grieving process. And eventually that road of grief led us to foster care and my sweet baby Joshua came home to us. That started what I now label as my year of healing. He was a balm to my broken heart and my aching empty arms.
It was a HARD journey of releasing control multiple times. More then once we were told he was leaving but 2 years later we had the honor of adopting him into our home forever. It was such a beautiful bittersweet day. Our hearts were elated, but at the same time it was laced with sorrow as we grieved for his birth mom who loved him.
These stories of grief and Loss are hard. But in the end they change us. All that releasing of my control, time after time, all the tears I cried as I released...it changed me. I'm not who I was when I started that journey. It brought me closer to my heavenly Father and so I can say, it was worth it. He is full of grace and close to the broken-hearted. He pursued me in my sorrow and won my heart in new ways. So much so that I can say, in the end, it was good.
I'm here today to say, only God. . . Only God can take death and make it good. I stand in awe of him and my heart is His.